Episode 435: The Pasta Poem
"The Pasta Poem" was originally released November 26, 2018. Description Hey, y'all on the lookout for great, online deals from trusted sources? Here's a great deal for you: An almost hour-long audio file with a bunch of jokes on it! And how much will it cost you? Like forty dollars! Suggested talking points: Beezbos' Hunger, Secret Benefits, Dream Poetry, That's A Christmas To Me: Round One, The Basement Toilet, Dougway Outline 0:45 - Intro. It's Cyber Monday. Al Roker made sweet potato poon. 9:42 - I work over nights at a facility with a washer and a dryer. On certain nights we have less to wash than others. Am I committing some kind of weird work crime if I were to throw my own laundry in on slow days? It'd save me money on the laundromat and I'd still use my own detergent. - Worried Washer in Washington 14:37 - Y - Sent in by Nick G, by Yahoo Answers user Ashley, who asks: Is it possible to create a poem in your dreams? About two months ago i had a dream about a book of poetry. I opened it and read a poem and the theme was "Where the green sky meets the blue earth." I only actually read the first stanza and the poem was amazing. I was so enveloped by the poem, that i was actually sucked into the book and experienced the poem.' I've searched and searched but i cant find a poem about a green sky and a blue earth. I really didn't think it was possible to create literature in a dream, but now im not so sure. I REALLY want to find that poem. Is it possible to write a poem in a dream?? If any one can help me or at least point me in the right direction, that would be great. 26:00 - MZ - Sponsored by MeUndies, Squarespace. Message for Zoe, Amy, Danny, Jude, etc. from Nico. Message for Perry Buto from Mikayla Johnson-Blanchard. Advertisement for We Got This with Mark and Hal. 31:54 - That's A Christmas To Me: A new segment. Justin reads descriptions of three Hallmark Christmas films. Two are real. One is made up by Justin. * Let It Snow: When Falcon Resorts acquires family-owned Snow Valley Lodge from retiring owners Karla and Paul, driven executive Stephanie Beck must spend the week before Christmas in Maine preparing a proposal on the property's renovations. Determined to impress Falcon's president, her detached father Ted, Stephanie reluctantly departs her warm Arizona home to immerse herself in the lodge's property and decide how to change it to fit the hip, young Falcon brand. While preparing to rebuild the Snow Valley Lodge from the ground up, Stephanie butts heads with her property guide, Brady Lewis, Karla and Paul's son, who has decided to leave his family's business over creative differences with his dad. A self-defined Grinch, Stephanie begins her stay at Snow Valley Lodge immune to Christmas sentiment. But as the lodge's festive traditions provide the Christmas Stephanie never had growing up with her distant father, Stephanie finds herself enjoying every minute. To complicate her professional duties even further, the combative feelings she felt toward Brady turn into romantic ones. With Stephanie's newfound Christmas spirit and unexpected holiday romance, she begins to question Falcon's overhaul. As her Christmas Eve deadline approaches, she's faced with a decision: should she transform the lodge into a new winter hot spot or embrace tradition and let it snow? * Castaway for Christmas: When San Francisco oil executive Nick Spurling comes to the remote Canadian hamlet of Cedar Wood Island, he's only looking for one thing: the rumored oil deposit under Cedar Wood's only tree farm/bed and breakfast. In the hopes of endearing himself to its owner, single mom Lisa Craig, Nick pretends to be a bed and breakfast critic looking for Canada's most charming holiday escape. When a snowstorm shuts down ferry service off the island, Nick finds himself stranded on what the natives jokingly call "Christmas Island" in honor of how the town goes all out for the holiday. Before long, Nick starts to doubt his plans to raze the farm in search of oil and starts to wonder if he could make a life with Lisa. But after she learns the truth, will she ever want to see him again? * Christmas in Love: Ellie Hartman is an aspiring crafter working in her small town’s bakery making famous Christmas Kringles. When the new, big-city CEO Nick Carlingson visits the bakery, he arrives filled with modernization ideas destined to lay off many employees. During his visit, Ellie is to teach Nick how to make a Kringle, and determined to show him it’s the people who make the business a success, not machines. Nick meets more of the employees and townspeople, visits the food bank and begins to see all the kindness that is shared, and he begins to soften — though not convinced automation isn’t better. Struggling with chasing her own entrepreneurial dreams, Ellie begins to fall for Nick but not before feeling betrayed when she inadvertently sees Nick’s laptop filled with automation plans. When Nick finally tells the employees his future ideas for the company, Ellie must decide if she should trust him, but more importantly, whether to take a leap of faith in making her own dreams come true. (SPOILER: Castaway for Christmas is a fake film that Justin and Sydnee came up with at 2:45 before recording.) 39:20 - Justin outlines the three main themes of all Hallmark Christmas movies: # "Big city person who fucking has never heard of Christmas, never had it, somehow missed it, and then goes to one small town where they're like 'uh, yeah, we've got Christmas coming out of our ass, here, have a little bit of extra Christmas'" # "White" # "Automation and preservation of business in favor of a profit vs. keeping jobs and tradition" 42:57 - I recently discovered that my landlord has a secret toilet hidden in my basement. I live in a house with an unfinished basement, and there's a door down there that the landlord keeps locked and has told us is off limits. One day when I was in the basement, I noticed the door was unlocked, so of course I took a peek. Inside was a toilet and a half-used roll of toilet paper. I'm really not sure how to proceed from here. Does he come to my house just to poop in my basement? What do I do if I'm down there doing laundry, and suddenly I hear a flush, and he comes out of his secret bathroom? Should I be afraid? Should I tell him that I know his dirty little secret? Please help. - Bathroom Shy in Michigan 49:15 - Y - Sent in by Ava Willard, from Yahoo Answers user Spurling, who asks: Is there a place where I can make my own sandwich? 55:47 - Housekeeping 58:44 - FY - Sent in by Sam Leff, from Yahoo Answers user My Mouse Cursor's Gone, Where'd It Go, Oh, It Was Hiding On The Other Monitor, You Sneak Thief, They're, Something Went Wrong, Ah, No, Fuck It, who asks: Do ants pee and poo and how? Quotes Notes Category:Episodes Category:That's a Christmas to Me